a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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