Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize