so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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