I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
