Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
