I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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