Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
