Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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