I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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