So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
