We're facebook friends in real life
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this boner is exhausting
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
