I CAN MOONWALK!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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