You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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