You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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