Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
