having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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