This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
