She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
too bad you live with your parents still
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
