there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
