Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
