I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
