Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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