I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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