So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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