I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize