I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
