I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
