Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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