My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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