he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
