Whoa Z and x make the same sound
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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