I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
