when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize