I'm so fucking centered right now
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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