One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
