finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
