So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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