I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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