I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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