the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
