after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize