Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
