Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
