yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
