I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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