I want to make a zoo with you.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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