Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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