We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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