i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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