Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
