Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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