it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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