Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
