her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
