I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
