Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
