Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
