I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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